Let This Be The Day

The time is getting closer for me to return to some semblance of normalcy. For nine months I have been the follower, not the leader; not even the doer. This has been a good challenge and I have learned a great deal about humankind. There was a brief period where I felt as though YHVH really had me going on a good track and I guess I got a little puffed up without realizing it. Then last week came.

It was as though I had just finished my dissertation after much research and study. Now the final exam, which will be a breeze with so much introspection as to who I really am. This past Thursday at eleven we (Yocheved and I) arrived at the Cath Lab for what was supposed to be a straight forward procedure. I kept telling myself that it would be a onetime shot and no complications. The right leg didn’t have all the problems as the left.

Was delighted to see so many familiar faces… I haven’t been in this lab since December. All the other times it was being renovated and modernized. So “we” used the Lab at the hospital….that is what they told me. They also were/are well aware of my aversion to hospitals. I have nothing against them. I used to work in them. I just had never been a patient until last year [that seems so long ago]. Anyhow, it was a joy to see so many loving and caring staffers from the surgeons to the young men keeping the floors clean and safe. They all greeted us and exchanged “how-dee-do’s”. Into my crib I am directed…”You know the drill…nothing on but the backwards gown. The doctor will be seeing you before we take you in” No need explaining the next steps…it is so informal with so many lined up for ‘routine’ procedures.

A quarter to twelve came…appointment was for eleven…unusual…they run a smooth and tight ship here…where is my doctor? Finally a male nurse, whom I had not met prior, informed us that “they” were running just a bit behind but it won’t be long. Another fifteen minutes or so and he returned with another form…Would I consent to having students present during my procedure? Of course I would consent. I want more surgeons to be as good as the three who have run the angioplasty on me. This was not the first time I have been asked to let others in. If you remember back, they brought in a team from South Florida to observe and process because “they” said “this is very rare for both extremities to occlude simultaneously and from the same place of origin”. Wow! Talk about set apart!

The time is ticking. I positioned myself with my back to the clock so as not to watch…this permitted me to sit up but also placed my back to my wife which bothered me. Apparently not as much as seeing the clock tick. The surgeon came by and it was uplifting to see him. He is always so cheerful and you would think we had been friends for years and years. He explained that “they” were moving the faster procedures ahead so “they” could afford me more time and not be rushed. I reminded him of my lifelong desire to never be the first one in the chair nor the last one out. (Dad taught me that about barbershops) Doc assured me that all would be fine. He explained exactly what he proposed to do and made sure I understood before we began. So, it is more than just a simple, lets get it over with procedure. The process will be a learning experience for a lot of us.

 

I won’t be satisfied with just another day
Another dance around the outer court
I Don’t want to be the same
when this song is over
I know my heart must change

Loud and very clear the words of Aline’s song “Let This Be The Day” started in my head. I love that song – but why now? It was when I got to the chorus that I was so glad Yocheved couldn’t see my face. I was falling apart on the side of the gurney. What do I do? I don’t want her to see me like this. She doesn’t need another worry. Sh’ma Israel…YHVH Eloheinu… YHVH echad…. Yeah, say the Sh’ma over and over. Get control. Face the Father. He has brought you all this way. Don’t loose sight of Him. But that is just what I was asking….

Let this be the day, That I see your face
Let this be the day, Let this be the day
When even cedars fall
Before your face, O God
Let this be the day

The song was running as the Sh’ma was echoing. Then “they” showed up…about three o’clock…I can walk…let me walk into the lab please….My favorite male nurse permitted me…he was with me through it all before…has a great attitude…and we were joined with the entire team… all of them that were there before are there now…so glad the ARNP who kept me from bleeding out was there…she said she wouldn’t miss this one…. Sh’ma Israel….

Kissed my wife and told her I would be back….song in my head… Let this be the day I see Your face…. Oh my sweet Savior…if this is the day I see Your face does it mean I won’t see my greatest caregiver and home health aide again? Oh God what do I do… the guilt is taking hold and the apprehension is bordering on fear…. Fear not! I haven’t given you a spirit of fear….Help me Yeshua! I am not afraid… I just don’t want to go to the hospital… please guide them as they take control over my physical life…. Let this be the day that I don’t have to go through this again. I am so tired of it. 

 

What a beautiful new facility! “Oh I thought you had a procedure in February when we opened” No, I ended up in the hospital…I was two days early for the opening and spent four days in hospital receiving blood and recouping. Two surgeons are now speaking with me. Interested in seeing the amputation and checking blood flow before proceeding… then quite a few people arrived. Some, I was told, owned the equipment that was being used. I told them I bought some of it. “They” said there would be a gold name plate one day.

The slab was very narrow; I assured my balance with my elbows on removable arm rests….I admired the new flat screens instead of the huge monitors from ancient times. The prep completed, I am covered from head to foot with a plastic-like sheeting elevated six inches above me…a tent “they” called it… with clear plastic along the sides so I could see out if I wanted to but couldn’t see up. Doc asked me if I was ready…. Yes sir…lets get this show on the road…. “Do you need anything for relaxing?” Have you read my BP? “Yeah..right on track – you’re at 181 now..” I laughed…”WCS” White Cath Syndrome! Take me to La-la land but make it for a fast recovery please. “Done. Let me know if it is not enough” And that is how it was for the next three hours…don’t move, don’t flinch, don’t blink or we take you out….watch the monitors if you like. I did.

So I will wait for you
however long it takes
Pour out my heart to you and sing
How can I stay the same
when I behold my King
I know my heart must change

“Okay Mr B… you did great” With those words I knew it was over. I even thought about writing down all the jokes I heard while they were working then waiting…working then waiting…the entire procedure turned out different coming out than it was planned going in. Sh’ma Israel! Father, I won’t say I saw Your face…but I felt you so near….the operation required no stents…the arteries opened under the pressure of the blood…from mid-calf to the toes. The trash was removed with little harm and the overflow of blood was not that great. 

 

Leave no stone unturned, no hard heart unbroken
For all that stand before you are in need
Who can stand O Lord,
in your awesome Glory
I know our hearts must change

Let this be the day, That I see your face

Before your face, O God
Let this be the day

This is not the end of the journey, only the beginning. There is much recovery to accomplish. Plus, I have volunteered to participate in research for such a time as this; Shehechianu! This is the last I will write on this subject. It is too personal and painful. I only wanted to share the conflicting thoughts that may face us when we are close to seeing His face, for whatever reason.

YHVH, our Father in heaven, You and You alone make caterpillars turn into butterflies…just as the caterpillar must die unto itself to become born again in the beauty of Your Holiness, we too must die unto ourselves to appreciate the beauty of Your Holiness. Thank you for having a hand on the instruments and for gifting those who truly care for others. Father, thank you so very much for the medical team that honors You with prayer and thanks. You placed me in the right place and girded my loins with the best of the fruit. Todah Rabah, Amein. In Mashiach Yeshua’s name, Amein and Amein!

Shalom and Shalom, with love, 

Pinchas, 

aka Frankly speaking all the time. 

 

Foot note: “Let This Be The Day”, Into the Deep, Aline and Howie Wrds: Aline B. George 

http://www.mishkanim.com/ 

c. 2011 Hebrew Roots Music A note from Aline: this song was written in about 10 minutes! during an intense time of seeking after Messiah, watching others give their time and energy to so many other things.